The diet industry in America has created a culture of hopelessness. All the diet “rules” that we have been fed are good for those who already live by them or for those who have the determination to follow them . . . for a period of time. If you are part of the latter category or don’t fall into either, you’re likely going to start off on one of the many programs and at some point fall off the wagon. Why? Because it is impossible to follow all of them or even half of them. You’re set up for failure from the beginning.

Many of the “gurus” we follow never had a real lasting weight problem. How many fitness experts actually overcame any real struggle to become fit? I am not a fitness or diet expert. I am a person that has lost a lot of weight and did it without following the rules. For people who are really overweight, the rules become a barrier physically and mentally to any lasting weight loss results. For those that have just a few pounds to lose and have some event coming up that motivates them to lose the weight, almost any plan can work for the short term. No matter your situation, there is no doubt that losing weight with any method will benefit your health. If you have a specific medical concern that requires a special diet, this website may not be the answer for you. My real goal is to help everyday people that have a weight problem and cannot follow the conventional methods for weight loss.

How did I go from a size 22/24 to a size 2? After years of dieting, I figured out that I could not stick to any plan that included a complete change to my normal pattern of eating and physical activity. I could do almost any plan for a period of time, but inevitably I would go back to my old habits. Because I had ballooned up to 250+ lbs, the mountain seemed too far to climb.

I have a busy, demanding and stressful job – this has not changed in 10 years. I can make time to work out, prepare meals and do all the things I’m told that I “should do”, but that means something else has to suffer in my personal life – sleep, housecleaning, time with my husband, time caring for my pets or, until just this year, caring for my mother. The level of stress this causes is overwhelming. Also, add on guilt every time I failed to meet all the requirements. For the sake of my sanity, well-being, spouse and those that interact with me (employees, family, etc.), it would be better off for me to be fat and happy than to make myself do all the things the diet industry tells us to do.

I grew up overweight and continued getting bigger and bigger as an adult, but it seemed that I was always trying to lose weight. My mom put me on my first diet in the 2nd grade. I had had most success following a low carb plan. In the early 2000’s, the low carb diet craze was in full swing. More of the fast food restaurants were familiar with ordering a menu item “protein style” (no bun). In 2002, I began losing weight by eating plain eggs for breakfast from McDonald’s, plain chicken patties from Carl’s Junior or cheeseburger patties for lunch and dinner from the drive-through window at McDonald’s. Over a three year period, I lost down to about 160 lbs. Reaching 160 lbs was a huge accomplishment and I felt good in my clothes at that weight. My ultimate dream, however, was to be get down to 125 lbs. I started dating and met my husband in late 2004 and was married in 2005. After the first year, I put back on 20 lbs. I just could not go back to the low carb diet so I tried several different plans. I started working out – jogging and weight training. I would get down to 155 lbs for a time and then ended up gaining back 10-20 lbs. a few times. Finally, in February 2009, I had gotten back up to 172 lbs. It was Valentines day, and I had flown to Houston to meet my husband to spend the weekend. My husband had flown in early to spend time with his family and had bought me flowers and a red size large dress in a stretchy material. I tried it on and it fit, but my lumps and bumps were not attractive. Needless to say, I did not wear the dress when we went out. On the plane ride home, we sat near a reality star that I recognized. My husband and I got a photo with her at the airport. After looking at the photos, I vowed to lose back down to my lowest weight.

Just before New Year’s of that year, I had taken a fall in my kitchen that re-injured a past back problem and I tore the ACL in my left knee. After the MRI, I also found that I had been born with my kneecaps facing outward rather than sitting face forward. The combination left me in a physical condition that I could not exercise normally.

My job was just as hectic as ever and I could not work out even if I wanted to. I started basic calorie counting. I looked up the calorie counts for all of my normal fast food items. I tried out several low calorie frozen dinners and started taking one to eat at my desk for lunch every day. Soon, I knew exactly what I could eat from the drive-through that would fit within the 300-400 calorie range for breakfast and dinner. My goal was to eat 1500 calories a day. With 3 meals in the 300-400 calorie range, I just added one snack in the late afternoon and a vanilla cone for dessert each night. I had my fastfood ordering on auto-pilot.

My weight started dropping. I got to my lowest weight of 155 lbs again. I was feeling good, but I wanted to go all the way (125 lbs.). In the past, I would get super motivated and freak out at the 155 lb mark. I’d go crazy exercising and trying to eat stricter/healthier. Soon after, I’d crash and burn and end up back on the upward climb on the scale. This time, I made a conscious decision to just stick to my plan. By the end of the year, I was within ten lbs of my 125 lb. goal. I started blogging in January 2010 to talk about the last ten lb. journey. My goal was extremely reasonable – lose the last ten lbs by June (6 months) which would mark the ten year mark of when I reached my highest weight. At that time, I was still under the impression that I was “big-boned” and that 125 lbs would be very difficult. I dropped my calories down to around 1200-1250 a day. I had a lot of travelling and my mom passed away at the end of February, but because my eating was on auto-pilot and my stomach had adjusted to true portion control, I found that I could eat out at any restaurant and just eat enough. I met my goal weight by the end of May and by the end of June I was under 122 lbs.

I’ll be posting some more details, but for now, here are my top ten rules of thumb:

#1: Forget everything you’ve been told and read about weight loss. Start from scratch. There is no miracle diet or special combination of food. You don’t have to exercise to lose weight. You don’t have to eat “healthy” food or give up the foods you enjoy. You don’t have to prepare all of your meals. You don’t have to cook. You don’t have to spend a lot of money having special food delivered to your door. You don’t have to stop eating (insert #) hours before bedtime. You don’t have to count calories for the rest of your life.

#2: It is imperative that you analyze your normal eating habits to figure out your pattern of eating. Figure out what are the go-to menu items at the fast food restaurants you frequent and the times during the day that you get hungry. If you really like french fries, you may need to eat half of your burger or eat a small sandwich item. If you are a burger person and don’t need the fries then cut them out so you can eat the sandwich that you really want. Never order larger than a small fry. You’ve got to focus on getting your portions under control. Calorie counting is the training wheels in the beginning so that you begin to know what a true portion looks and feels like. If you are eating meals and feeling full immediately, you are probably eating too much. A true portion is going to take a few minutes to hit your blood sugar.

For meals that you don’t eat through the drive thru, you’ve got to pay special attention to the labels and make sure you know the calories you are consuming. Almost every fast food restaurant and many chain sit-down restaurants have their nutrition information posted online or on brochures at the store. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT FAT, CARBS, ETC. Just focus on the calories. I’m a personal fan of frozen dinners – specifically Lean Cuisine – for lunch because there is no meal preparation, the food tastes great and I don’t have to leave my desk to eat my lunch at work.

If you prepare meals at home, it is really important that you pay attention to the portions and make sure you figure out the amount you can eat and stay within your daily calorie count. Everyone assumes that eating at home is healthier, but the problem is people don’t really know what a true portion should be and there are those pesky leftovers that call your name. Your eating has to be on auto-pilot. If you have to continually count your calories, you’ll get frustrated and end up eating more than you should. If you are cooking for your family, make just enough for a portion for each family member so that there are no extras or immediately package up the additional food and put it in the refrigerator. I personally hate leftovers. I feel cheated and unsatifisfied when I eat old food, but this is completely a personal choice. Again, you need to go with the grain and not against it. If you are thrifty and are used to making batches of food and having it for more than one meal, just be sure you are putting away the additional portions in the refrigerator so that they are not lingering around to be gnoshed on later in the day/evening.

#3: Forget about exercising for now. Just focus on one thing at a time. The food part is going to make up the majority of your weight loss sucess. If you try to tackle both at one time, you are probably going to feel hungry, sore and overwhelmed all at the same time. If later you feel the energy to exercise, do what feels natural. Don’t push yourself to to the point that you start feeling guilty if you missed a workout or do so much that you start to dread the activity. I am a proponent of doing what comes naturally. If you enjoy dancing, go out with some friends for a fun night out – focus on the dancing and not on the drinking – or take a dance class. If you feel like taking a walk to clear your head – take a walk. Don’t beat yourself up by setting up an unrealstic exercise schedule.

Also, please keep in mind that cardio exercise WILL INCREASE YOUR HUNGER! Many people fall into the trap of exercising and then eating way more calories than they have actually burned. This is another reason that you must get your food intake on auto-pilot before you start any exercise regime.

I personally, have done very, very little exercise and have lost beyond my goal weight just by portion control and keeping up with my normal house cleaning regime. It is killing two birds with one stone. I feel that I have that time to myself to think and I have the added reward of having a clean home. For some of you, you may be running around to take care of your kids. There are times in your life where it is more important to take care of your family than to go make yourself do something that takes away from that. Don’t get discouraged. Do what is most important to you. If you need time away from the kids and exercise is an outlet, there is no reason you should feel guilty, but you also shouldn’t feel guilty if you would rather be with your family over the exercise. IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

#4: If you find yourself busy during the day with little appetite and hungry at night, save a little bit of your calories for the evening. This is completely contrary to what most “experts” tell you. I personally believe that I became overweight because I needed food as a sedative to put me to sleep at night. I cannot go to bed hungry so I eat my dinner very late. I know this about myself and doing otherwise just ends up in me eating extra calories or not being able to get to sleep. You may be the opposite and can’t eat at night. My mother always had the problem of not being able to sleep if she ate at night. You really have to listen to your own body to figure out how you distribute your calories over the course of the day. Weekdays may be a different schedule than weekends. It is important for you to figure out what is the most compatible with your normal eating habits.

My normal routine is to stop at McDonald’s on the way home from work. I order a lowfat vanilla ice cream cone (150 calories) and a diet coke for the drive home and a sandwich for my dinner later that night. The combination of the ice cream and soda fills up my stomach. I get home, take care of feeding my cats, scooping litter boxes, taking off my make-up, changing my clothes, etc. and then I sit down IN FRONT OF THE TV and eat my dinner. Some nights I’m really craving french fries so I’ll order a smaller sandwich with a small french fry. I always try to not eat all of the fries – just enough for me to get my fix. I watch a little TV with my husband and then drift off to sleep.

The bottom line is that you need to be in tune with your body and your normal habits. Tweak them but don’t do a major overhaul that goes completely against your normal routine and cravings.

#5: Diet sodas and artificially sweetened drinks are not off limits!!! I hate to hear this myth over and over again. So what if I have a little bit of water weight because of the soda. I don’t need to be in a bikini everyday so who cares!! I was addicted to regular coca-cola, and it was contributing to many extra calories per day. I switched to diet soda and am perfectly happy. I strongly advise to keep your calorie comsumption limited to food items. Sugary drinks do not process the same in your system as does solid food. You are better off eating something sweet than drinking a sugary drink because your body will naturally send signals to your brain that you have had calories and will self-regulate the food intake craving for the next meal – when you eat solid foods. Calories in drinks do not register the same way. It is as if the body does not recognize them and will not self-adjust.

One of my tactics to combat hunger is to drink a lot of fluids during the day. I start off my day with a caffeinated no or low calorie beverage – Coke Zero is my favorite, but most McDonald’s serve just the regular diet coke. This is the most convenient for me so that’s what I drink on the way to work. I try to drink water throughout the day and evening. By constantly sipping on a beverage, you can begin to wean off of the need to have some food in your mouth. Having water is important, but I don’t believe you have to drink tons of it every day. Try to get in eight serving of eight oz per day. Also, hot liquids (green tea with artificial sweetener or coffee) can be a real help in filling up your stomach so that you don’t have those feelings of hunger.

#6: Supplements are key. It is unlikely that most Americans are able to fit in the recommended nutrients into their diet even if they cook every meal at home and eat “healthy”. Make sure you have a good multi-vitamin supplement and, at minimum, add fish/borage oil/flax seed oil into your daily routine. Many places (Sam’s club, Wal-mart, Trader Joes, Costco) sell very good high quality oil supplements. Find one that has all three elements and are quality checked for mercury or other contaminants. Oil supplements have so many health benefits and are GREAT for suppressing the appetite. I have some other supplements that I recommend in my other blogs, but I feel that these two are the only ones you absolutely need for weight loss. Your doctor may have some specific supplements to recommend for you so please check with a professional for your particular situation.

#7: REWARD YOURSELF!!! This may take some thinking, creativity and soul-searching. You need daily rewards, weekly rewards and rewards for meeting a goal. My daily reward is my McDonald’s ice cream cone. It fits within my daily calorie consumption and it truly satisfies my sweet tooth. If ever I am tempted to go off the deep end during the day – I just think about that ice cream cone on the way home from work. I also advise to have one cheat day or meal once a week. It helps you stay on track all other 6 days of the week when you know you have one day that you can eat whatever you want. You will find over time that these days become less and less important as you are eating foods every day that you actually like to eat. Also, you’ll start to experience the sick feeling you get when you overeat after the portion control you master during the week has really taken effect.

Find other non-food rewards. Ladies – RETAIL THERAPY if you can afford it. I personally love to bargain shop, but I often leave the store after only trying on clothes that would not have fit before. It is exhilerating to find out that you can wear something that you never would have been able to just prior. If you have a shopping addiction, I don’t recommend this reward for you. If you are going to buy a “goal” outfit, limit it to one outfit at a time. Having a bunch of clothes in your closet that don’t fit is depressing and is a waste of money. You can always take your clothes to a tailor and have them taken in as you lose weight but you can’t do the opposite. Take an art, dancing, music class that you’ve always wanted but never had the courage to do or believed you deserved. Start making a list of rewards that you can look forward to as you reach each 5 lb. milestone or even just for making it through a tough week. Some rewards, like a trip or vacation, you will need to save up in advance. It is good to have something to look forward to as you go through your journey. Some other ideas include a manicure/pedicure, a massage or going to a show or movie.

#8: Pick yourself up with each meal. Stop thinking in terms of days, weeks, months, year. Think of one meal at a time. If you screw up and eat to much at one meal, just self correct with the very next meal. Don’t let yourself think that you’ve messed up the day/week and will need to start again tomorrow, next week, next month, etc. If you think in terms of meal to meal, you’ll always stay on track.

#9: For once, don’t look at the forest – focus on the individual trees. If you have a lot of weight to lose, you’ll just get discouraged if you think about how far you still have to go. Celebrate each lb – set short term goals like five lbs. Give yourself credit for meeting these small goals. The diet industry has lied to you telling you that you can lose 30 lbs in a month or 100 lbs in a few months. This is not realistic without getting a gastric bypass or going on the Biggest Loser, but even these are not going to transform your life. I am a proponent of any method that anyone uses to lose weight. I am always happy to hear when someone has been able to shed unwanted weight, BUT many people who get the lapband/gastric bypass or go on the Biggest Loser just end up gaining the weight back. It is so important that you hone your daily routine into one that is liveable and maintainable for you. You probably gained your weight over a long period of time and the most lasting weight loss is the kind that also happens over time. Don’t get caught up in the trap of discouragement because you didn’t lose 2 lbs. per week in a month. Any progress is good progress. I often found that I would go a week or more without any weight loss, but then out of the blue I will have found I dropped a few lbs all at once or can fit into a smaller size of clothing. During those special times of the month, I don’t even get on the scale.

#10 – Don’t listen to any outside negativity and if necessary, remove people from your life. Unfortunatlely, your overweight friends probably don’t really want to see you succeed unless they are on the same path. If you are ridiculed at lunch with your friends for what or the amount you are eating or being encouraged to go ahead and have that extra portion, be strong. Politely yet firmly, let them know that this is not acceptable. Stop eating with them if they continue. You are doing this for you and no one else. There also will be a lot of well intentioned people that tell you that you need to do x, y and z to lose weight. Let everything they say go in one ear and out the other. There are people that will tell you that you look just fine and should not lose any more weight. Unless you have an eating disorder, ignore those people. If you struggle with perfectionism, find someone that you can really trust that will be honest with you – that may be a close friend (preferably a person at a healthy weight) or may be your doctor. You are on a journey to be happy with your body and no one should discourage you from going all the way. You can do it!

I’m getting quite a bit of traffic and people are telling me they are checking out my blog, but no one comments in the blog. Please let me know if you have suggestions for the format to make it easier to respond. When you see a post that interests you, just click on “continue reading” which will take you to the full article. Scroll to the end of the posts and you’ll find a blank box that reads “Write a Comment”.

I really want to have a discussion back and forth – it’s not all about me. Please don’t feel like you have to comment just about McDonald’s or fast food. There is so much more to successful weight loss and living a life worth living. I just want to hear from you! I love transparency so don’t hold back on what you’re going through or any victories. If you have a question about anything, don’t hesitate to ask. If I don’t have the answer, someone else may have one.

Please know that there is NO judgement here. This is a condemnation free space so you can say what is really on your mind or about your struggles. Writing it down and getting it out there sometimes can be therapeutic. You are not alone – whether you’re overweight or not. BE FREE!!!

I’ve been doing a lot of self-introspection this week thinking about my failed X Factor audition last weekend. I almost can’t believe I did it. I was obviously dissapointed and exhausted after the audition (see my Youtube post from last week), but now I’m so glad I did it. I met new people that I never would have met . . . I know that this sounds really corney and trite, but for me, this was really out of my comfort zone. I’m really very confident in my work life, but when it comes to personal interaction, I have had a feeling of akwardness. After last weekend, I have a newfound confidence that I can meet complete strangers outside my circle of “work” and truly have a good time. I sang and danced outside with everybody while we were waiting to be let in and I know that I was on camera a couple of times at least.

A lot of memories came back of high school that I had not thought of in years. I cringe when I think about junior/high school. I went from 6th grade with a bunch of friends to 7th grade junior high with absolutely no friends. Everyone abandoned me. All my friends joined basketball and I wanted to join, but the facts were that I was fat and poor. My parents didn’t have the money to pay for a physical exam or even the tennis shoes. While all my friends were blowing off any baby fat and hanging out in the locker room together (off limits to anyone not in basketball), I sat in the band room mostly by myself. I had a couple of friends through high school but I never felt like they knew the real me – I have no contact with anyone from highschool, college or even the friends I had in church except for an occassional “happy birthday” on Facebook.

I definitely have progressed. I felt like it was so natural to meet people and have meaningful conversation at last week’s two day audition. There were a couple people that I even believe I will likely keep in contact. I walked away from this experience feeling like I really am a different person on many levels other than just the physical (weight loss). People really like me just for me and that is a wonderful discovery!

Also, now that I’m blogging about my dream of having a singing career, I can feel that I’m getting freer just by putting it out there. Why should I be embarrassed about actively pursuing something I’ve always wanted to do? I’ve been singing since I was a child. I won my first talent contest in 2nd grade. I sang in church, choir and talent shows, but over the years I became more and more frightful and nervous. One of the reasons I just realized yesterday. I remembered a pivotol time in junior high school where I had auditioned for this special choir. I had made a real bond with the assistant choir director over the year that she had led our choir – her name was Mrs. Buckner. I really loved this lady, and I believe she really cared about me. I wasn’t just the fat, poor, unpopular girl to her. Unfortunately, the Director and final decision maker was someone who was my anti-everything – rail thin and really enjoyed the “popular” people. The Director was likely a cheerleader or something like that when she was in high school – I always felt a coldness from her. Who knows why? I don’t remember the actual audition at all, I only remember the day that the names were posted. The assistant choir director did something very strange that day. She left her normal seat in front of the choir risers and came and sat with me on the back row. She knew what I didn’t yet know . . . that I hadn’t been picked for the special choir. That was just before summer break, and my beloved Mrs. Buckner did not return to work at my school the next year. You know, I’m not delusional about my singing ability, but I know that I could sing better than some of the girls that were picked. I know that I was screwed out of a place in the special singing group. Basketball was never my dream, but singing was my dream, and even in that, I had no chance because of factors completely out of my control.

The memory of that very painful time makes me cry, but I know that my past does not have to be my future. I’m letting go of the past and I’m not going to fret about what embarrassment I might face in the future. I’m going to go to every audition that I can and I’m going to figure out how to overcome my fears. Maybe I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through just so that I can be a Mrs. Buckner to someone else.

Another step I took this past week was to sign up with an online school called “Singing with Freedom” by Per Bristow. It is completely unconventional, and I think it is exactly what I need. So far, the first two lessons are really all about opening up, letting go of control and just relaxing the vocal chords. I finally understand why I litteraly have “choked” off all sound while singing when I get nervous. I’m going to continue vlogging about it just so I can get more comfortable “auditioning” – no singing just yet. I found online today that America’s Got Talent is taking audition tapes that are due April 10th. That is my next project. I want to do a motown hit, probably something sung by a male just so I can experiment with finding my own unique voice. If you have any ideas for songs, let me know!

You can see my latest video blog at

Now that I’ve lost my weight and kept it off for coming up on a year, I’ve really been soul searching as to what is next. I think a lot of overweight people think that getting thin will make it more enjoyable to go out. The problem with sit-down restaurants is that the portions are huge and it can be the very un-doing of all your efforts. Now that I’m thin, I want to go after some dreams that I had put on the back-burner. . . things that I believed could not be achieved being overweight. It has been a dream of mine to be a professional singer since childhood. I sang my first solo at age 5. I won my first talent show in 1st grade. I’ve sang in church almost my whole life up until about 6 years ago when I moved to Los Angeles from Orange County. It’s one of those things that I know I’ll regret if I don’t work towards and at least try. So, I’m finding my voice. The first step was trying out for the X Factor this weekend. That was really gruelling. It consisted of one day on Saturday waiting in line for 6 hours for a ticket and a wrist band and another day on Sunday of standing outside for nearly six hours and another six hours inside sitting waiting for my one chance to sing to one judge behind a curtain.

I’ve not hardly watched any American Idol simply because it scares the crap out of me and makes me so nervous just watching these people get up and audition with no music and no microphones. If you are not a singer, you probably don’t know how hard this is to do.

I knew going into the audition that I was going to be nervous. I held it together pretty well until I stood on the pink X. I had practiced my song at a lowered and controlled volume, but when I got in that curtain, I belted it out so much that it sounded like I was shouting and I just could not pull it back. It sounded horrible and strained. The judge was very kind and suggested that I could sing another song. After fidgeting through my list of songs, I realized that I had gone completely blank on the tunes to the other songs I had memorized. Maybe the long day and little sleep had a part to play, but it was mostly my nerves. I sang the same song again and at the same volume. I could have just easily walked out, but I stood there and sang again. I left feeling like a complete failure, but I realize that this was meant to be. I need to start somewhere and this is my starting line, not my finish line.

I’ve decided to make it a goal to post regularly on what I’m doing towards achieving my goal. After today, the last thing I wanted to do was vlog or blog about this embarrassing audition – I hadn’t even told anyone except my husband that I was going. I have posted a short video on Youtube.

My next chapter!!!

Ok, I’m ready to bite the bullet. I’m not getting any younger, and there is no reason for me to drag this out any longer. I had really hoped to find a sponsor for my weight loss surgery (skin removal), but it’s just not happening so far. I’m going to take matters into my own hands. I need to find a really good surgeon that is reasonably priced. I live in Hollywood, but I don’t want to pay Beverly Hills prices.

I grew up overweight so I have never had a time in my life that I can look back and reminisce about having a young, beautiful, tight figure. Now is my time. I’ve worked so hard to overcome so many disasters and setbacks in my life. I could have easily made excuses and never made it to where I am today – professionally, personally, physically and financially. I feel I was cheated out of so many things and I’m not going to be cheated out of getting my dream.

If anyone knows of a body contouring surgeon that would be worth a consultation, PLEASE let me know.

I recently had a couple high points that I wanted to make sure I reported. I work for a large company, and I have employees spread out over the country. My current Director has never met me in person, and most of my peers don’t know my story. I’ve been with the same company for over 10 years, but I moved offices last year and most of my former co-workers that saw my transformation don’t directly work with me or ever see me in my current role. I don’t really talk about my blog or promote my weight loss philosophy within my group – I have no idea who even knows about it. However, I know that some of my direct employees have found out about my website. One employee had shared a few months ago that I was an inspiration. I was thrilled a couple weeks ago to hear from one of my employees that she has been reading my blog and has lost 50 lbs!! Another employee reported she has lost 55 lbs – I have no idea if this other had anything to do with my blog or not, but I was so happy to hear it. I had started to think my website was just turning into my own personal diary with no real benefit to anyone. I get a lot of spam comments on my website which I just delete. This news that I may have effected one person is so personally fulfilling and makes me really want to keep going – both with my own maintenance but also with sharing my personal story and message.

Another big thing for me was wearing my first semi-formal dress at a dinner held in honor of the Iwo Jima veterans in the Washington, DC area. It was such an honor to even get to attend the event. I kind of panicked before the trip after realizing I didn’t have anything appropriate in my closet. I love dressing up, but outside of high school prom and your wedding day, there just aren’t many opportunities to wear a full length dress! I thought finding a dress was going to be very difficult. I was so surprised to find the one with the very first dress I tried on. It was navy blue, mermaid style, size small and it fit me like a glove. My waist looked so tiny! I’ll try to post the picture soon, but I don’t think the picture quite does the dress justice because the flash from the camera makes it look shiny, but in person it was not shiny. My husband had left to go downstairs from our hotel room before I had even slipped on my dress. His face said it all when he saw me walk into the ballroom.

These are moments that I won’t ever forget and make me so thankful for the journey that brought me where I am today.

This message is for those of you that are on your way to losing 80 or more lbs. I was driving down the 5 freeway one evening this past week. There was a stretch for several miles where almost every billboard was a lapband advertisement. Many of them show a female with mid-drift bearing and a measuring tape around their waist. There are no signs whatsoever that these ladies lost major lbs. If you lose a lot of weight, I don’t care how you do it, you’re not going to have a beach body afterward. I really wish someone would call out these companies for false advertising. SHOW US THE TRUTH!!

I lost my weight over a long period of time, and I don’t have a beachbody. Some might say that I just should have worked out during my weight loss and would not have had the stretch marks, loose skin, etc. I completely disagree with this mis-informed viewpoint. Take a look at anyone that has lost weight on NBC’s the Biggest Loser. Do you ever see them in a bikini? The show focuses on day long, gruelling workouts to achieve maximum results for weight loss. If the theory that exercise prevents sagging skin was even close to being true, then we should be seeing many of those contestants in itsy-bitsy bikinis. I met one of the past contestants that lost a lot of weight. She had just had a tummy tuck and a boob job.

The sad reality is that anyone that loses a major amount of weight is going to have to deal with the aftermath. I wish there was a solution outside of surgery – believe me I would be doing it. The images shown in these ads are misleading at best. I doubt the people on these billboards lost any weight with the lap-band UNLESS they have had tummy tucks, skin removal on their arms, etc or there has been some major photo correction. I don’t want to be a downer for anyone that is losing weight, but I just want to make sure you are prepared for the reality. There are wonderful things about losing weight – being healthier, wearing clothes you couldn’t wear before, more self-confidence in social settings and being able to do things you would not have done when you were overweight. I can only hope that someone in reality TV land will take on the “what do you do now” after major weightloss so that some of us can add “wearing a bikini” to that list of weight loss benefits! If there is a post-weight loss surgery show, sign me up!

I was travelling last week and had some time on the plane to look through some recent magazines. US Weekly had Bethenny Frankel on the cover, and the article about her talks about her lifelong struggle with weight. In her interview, Bethenny shares that she had an obsession with being thin and a love/hate relationship with food – up until 2006. I’m a bit confused since it seems that she has been around for a while promoting her healthy cooking/lifestyle book.

I’ve not been a big Bethenny fan because I really saw her as just another guru that has popped up promoting an all organic, super-healthy food lifestyle that is just not practical for most people. I also thought she was just too thin and didn’t look healthy. Bethenny shared in the interview that it is really about moderation and not depriving yourself. I can get behind that and I can relate to her lifelong struggle. I just wish that this message was coming through more than I think it has been represented. It was a real risk for Bethenny to share about having an eating disorder because it could jeopardize her credibility with the type of message she has been delivering. I loved that she talked about people who are cardio work-out-aholics and about how they are in a constant cycle of burning off what they’ve just ate. I hope that the balanced life and outlook about everyday food (pizza, red velvet cake, etc.) she talks about in this latest interview is something that is more emphasized in her future books, appearances and message.

Being overweight all my childhood and a really overweight adult, I probably think about what I put in my mouth more than most people. I really try to keep an eye on my food intake so that I don’t ever go back. During the week-day, I will mentally calculate my calories just as a reality check. I don’t ever want to go back to the time where I was only lying to myself on how much I was eating. Sometimes I fear that I’m going to become obsessive which I never want to be or promote. I think there is a balance and I know it is something I’m still working to fully achieve. Deciding that 119 lbs was not looking good was a healthy decision on my part. Anything below 123/124 seems to have an immediate effect on my face and I don’t want to be skeletor just for the sake of saying I weigh so little.

I know there are many, many women who are fat and obsessed about their weight – focusing on the negative – and there are just as many thin women who are just as obsessed with being thin or thinner. I think that either is self-destructive and unhealthy. If you are in either category, please know that your weight is not ever going to make you happy. Achieving a healthy weight goal can only enhance your happiness if it is part of your life, not the center of it.

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Today was my cheat day.  I absolutely had to get a Mel’s Diner Espresso milkshake.  No other dessert compares for me. Other than that, my intake hasn’t been very different.  I’ve found that if I just get what I really am craving, I have less need to go overboard on my cheat day. 

The other key is simply not going out to a sit-down restaurant for a big meal.  The last several weekends, I’ve been going out socially and it is so much harder when you have a  table full of food.  There’s so much pressure when you’re with others to go to some restaurant with every meal over 1,000 calories – even the salads!

I’ve been feeling a little sluggish.   I’ve been reading up on vitamin deficiencies.  One that often hits vegetarians – definitely not my situation - is a B12 deficiency.  However, the symptoms were consistent with my sluggishness.  A great article on this topic is at http://wisemensvitamins.com/vitamin-b12-deficiency-symptoms/.  It references a recent study where 40% of a test group were found to have low levels of B12.

I’ve heard that a lot of people in Hollywood take B12 shots for energy.  It’s great for brain function and a natural high or feeling of well-being.  Who doesn’t want that?  Apparently, many of the diet clinics now offer these as part of their program . . . hmm.  I found a regular clinic nearby – I called ahead and got a quote to get the B vitamin shot.  It was fairly inexpensive.  Just one doctor office visit and then pre-pay for 10 shots at only $100.  The doctor indicated I needed to come back every other day which is simply NOT possible given my work schedule.  Instead I opted to get a double dose with plans to come back once a week.  It may be placebo, but within a few hours I felt less tired.  I slept very well.  The next day I woke up feeling much more awake – I’m not a morning person at all so this is a definite plus.

I really don’t know that much about dosages and the doctor that treated me didn’t seem to be my cup of tea.  I’m still looking for a doctor/clinic that specializes in these kind of treatments.  I also would like to find a doctor that knows about bio-identical hormones.  I’ve read that women with sagging skin have had amazing results.  Since I don’t have the ability to have surgery at this time, I’m interested in any natural alternative that might help tighten up my skin. 

I took a trip to my local health foods store and asked around – a very friendly gal gave me a recommendation for a doctor so I’m going to try that next.  I also picked up some Progesterone cream and a thyroid support supplement. 

I’ll keep posting on my progress.

So, I’ve been exercising Saturday and Sunday for the last two weekends.  I spend about 15 minutes on cardio (bike, elyptical or treadmill) just to warm up.  I focus most of the time on weights pushing my muscles to the point of failure.  With just four workouts, I gained up to 128 lbs.  I was freaking out.  I know that muscles weigh more than fat, but take up less space.  I haven’t felt that my clothes fit tighter except in my legs, butt and hips where I’ve been focusing.  The main thing is that I haven’t gained any mid-section weight (first place that I gain weight) or felt like I looked any heavier so I just decided to hang in there. I really want to tone up all over as much as I can, especially in my lower half.  I’ve messed up in the past when I worked out because I would end up eating more so I’ve carefully monitored my calories and kept to about 1500 or less every day – except on cheat day. Finally, this morning I stepped on the scale and was back down to 123.6 lbs! 

I’m pretty happy with the results.  I can see that my legs and thighs are taking more shape and less sagging skin.  I’ve definitely put on some muscle which means my overall body composition is better.  I’m not doing anything extreme – just two days a week (on non-work days) for less than an hour.  I feel like this is something I can stick to.